So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
