my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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