Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
