he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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