An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
