Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize