mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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