Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
