Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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