he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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