I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Even the bartender felt bad for me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
