You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
