I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
