My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
