She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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