If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
