Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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