5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
