Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
