Don't you send me to vm
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
