yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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