last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize