Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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