The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
