Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
