So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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