youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
