Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
