I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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