I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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