there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
