i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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