his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
