Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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