I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
