Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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