All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
