I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
