Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I party with great urgency now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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