I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
