What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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