ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
