Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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