It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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