My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
