I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
