Don't you send me to vm
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
