IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
