franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
