We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Watching her eat just hurts me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
