It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
