I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
