I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
