I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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