Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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