just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
