she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize