meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize