dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
