Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Two words: nipple clamps
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