You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize