god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
