I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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