Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
