Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
