well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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