JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
