Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
